Signs It’s Time For a New Eating Disorder Therapist
Choosing the right therapist for your mental health journey is crucial. Therapists, including those who specialize in eating disorders, must approach their patients with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to adapt their methods to suit the unique needs of each person in front of them. All too often, clients come to me after having a bad experience with another eating disorder provider. While I don’t think this phenomenon is exclusive to the eating disorder field, there are some unique things about working with eating disorders that can make providers more rigid, defensive and punitive. If this has been your experience, I am so sorry. You deserve to be met with compassion, understanding and autonomy. Let’s go over some common signs it might be time for a new approach, a new therapist.
It Might Be Time for a New Eating Disorder Therapist If:
You Are Given Ultimatums for Care
Ultimatums and treatment contracts are incredibly common in eating disorder centers. While this may motivate some clients, I often see it having the opposite effect. I think this is because when being on the receiving end of an ultimatum, you are made to feel like a problem to be fixed, something to be controlled, or worse- a burden. None of these things foster self trust or self confidence, and some of them amplify the very core wounds that drive an eating disorder. A therapeutic relationship should be built on trust, collaboration, and respect- not punishment or control. If your therapist imposes strict ultimatums such as forcing you to follow every item on a contract or else they will discharge you, this likely will leave you anxious, on edge and it may cause you to “perform” recovery to avoid “punishment” - this isn’t healing. Instead, your therapist should work with you to develop a treatment plan built with a foundation of compassion, one that respects your autonomy and values. You are a whole person, not just an eating disorder.
There Is No Discussion About How Social Factors Impact Your Experience
A competent therapist recognizes that various social factors such as race, class, gender, weight stigma, disability, and sexuality can significantly impact your experience with an eating disorder. If your therapist does not invite conversations about these issues, it might be a sign that they are not considering the full context of your unique experience, you may leave sessions feeling dismissive, misunderstood or like a failure for not measuring up to the “average” eating disorder recovery experience. This is particularly common in BIPOC, queer, trans, disabled, fat and neurodivergent clients.
Outdated and Harmful Techniques Are Used
Techniques such as body tracing and ‘pretend funerals’ are outdated and can be harmful. Instead, therapy should involve evidence-based techniques that are proven to be effective and safe for treating eating disorders. It might be time to look for a new therapist if your current one uses these outdated methods.
Your Therapist Defines Recovery for You
Recovery is a personal journey, and what works for one person may not work for another. If your therapist is setting arbitrary recovery goals that don’t align with your values or aspirations, this is about them, not you. Recovery that is externally defined rather than defined by the client becomes another “ideal” to measure up to. What if YOU could define your own recovery? What if your values and vision for your ideal life could lead the way?
Most Sessions Are About Food Intake
While it’s important to discuss food intake during therapy for an eating disorder, it shouldn’t be the sole focus. A good therapist will also focus on underlying triggers: relational patterns, trauma, unmet needs, thought patterns, core wounds, emotions, social identities and life stressors. If most of your sessions revolve around what you did or didn’t eat that week, sessions probably feel repetitive and futile. You deserve an approach that gets to the root of your suffering, so that healing can last a lifetime.
Neurodivergent Accommodations Are Not Honored
Given the high overlap of eating disorders with various forms of neurodivergence, such as OCD, Autism, and ADHD, it’s crucial for therapists to augment treatment approaches to be affirming and to have knowledge of neurodivergent experiences such as masking, ableism, sensory challenges, difficulties with self trust, special interests, attention differences, emotional processing differences, communication style differences, etc. If your therapist does not assess for or honor neurodivergent experiences of food and body, it may be a signal to find a new therapist who will.
Sessions Consistently Feel Like Lectures
Therapy should be a safe, supportive space where you feel heard and understood. If your sessions consistently feel like lectures and leave you feeling more ashamed than supported, it might be time to find a new therapist.
It’s okay to seek a new therapist if your current one is not meeting your needs. Your mental health journey is unique, and you deserve a therapist who recognizes and respects that. . Eating disorders require true specialty care. If you think my practice might be a good fit for you- we’d be honored to help. Reach out to learn more about starting therapy or coaching with us!
At Eating Disorder OCD Therapy, we offer compassionate, relational, and evidence based care, rooted in the belief that healing is not one-size-fits-all. Honoring client autonomy, collaboration, and anti-oppressive, neurodivergent-affirming practices, we walk alongside you as the expert in your own life. We provide therapy for Eating Disorders, OCD, Body Image, Trauma, Maternal Mental Health, and offer Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP), Group Therapy (globally), Recovery Coaching (globally), and Clinical Consultation and Supervision for clinicians. We are currently accepting new clients for in-person therapy in San Diego and virtual services in California, Washington, Utah, and Florida.
