Control And Eating Disorders: A Deeper Understanding
Written by: Allyson Inez Ford, MA, LPCC | Founder of ED & OCD Therapy
People with eating disorders are often misunderstood and unfairly stigmatized. Labeled as ‘control freaks’ or perceived as people with an inherent controlling personality type, the complexity of their struggle is often overlooked.
It’s essential to dispel these misconceptions and provide a more nuanced understanding of what is really going on- both so that the people suffering are treated with more compassion and respect, and so that treatment approaches are effective and targeting the real issues!
Eating Disorders and Loss of Agency
People are not just born wanting to be in control all the time; something usually happens early in life that teaches them they can’t trust others and must handle everything on their own. People with eating disorders have often had their agency and/or bodily autonomy taken from them. Whether that be from a well-intentioned but over-bearing parent, an illness that becomes disabling or life threatening, or a traumatic experience that showed them just how scary it is to feel like someone else has power over your body.
This deprivation or autonomy can can be interpersonal, systemic, or, in many cases, both. Either way, losing a sense of safety in one’s body can lead to a feeling of losing one’s sense of self, creating an environment where both the body and mind begin to seek ways to feel more in control. We all need to feel like autonomous human beings, so it makes sense that when we are deprived of this, we may double down to compensate.
Eating disorders as misguided safety Seeking
Over time, this loss of safety and self can be profoundly destabilizing and traumatic. Eating disorders can emerge as a coping mechanism, a way for people to continue living despite profound emotional and psychological pain. I know it sounds strange but eating disorders can provide a pseudo sense of safety in an unjust world, a semblance of predictability when everything else seems out of hand or threatening.
Restoring Safety and Reclaiming the Self in Eating Disorder Recovery
Understanding this, it becomes clear that treatment and support shouldn’t focus on the stereotypically assumed control issues of the person suffering. Instead, the emphasis should be on understanding their quest for safety- physical, emotional, psychological, and systemic, and helping them find it in healthier, more sustainable ways.
It’s crucial for eating disorder providers to see the longing for safety their clients are understandably trying to find. They must strive to help them restore safety and agency through secure relationships, community with shared social identities, safe coping skills and access to resources.
Reducing Shame, Increasing support
This approach recognizes the person’s struggle and respects their journey, creating a supportive environment that can facilitate healing and recovery. This compassionate lens also helps people decrease shame and increase self trust, which are the foundations of lasting recovery, in my professional and personal opinion.
So, let’s shift the narrative around eating disorders. Let’s stop making it about an inherent controlling personality type and focus instead on the persons’s longing for safety, where that might come from, and the restoration of their agency.
By doing so, we can provide more empathetic, effective support to those battling eating disorders and contribute to a more understanding, inclusive society.
Looking for an eating disorder therapist? Reach out to us!
If you are currently struggling with an eating disorder, OCD or body image issues, and are located in California, Florida, Maryland, Tennessee, Utah or Washington- we would love to support your recovery journey. Please click here to set up a free consultation to see if we’d be a fit for you!
At Eating Disorder OCD Therapy, we offer compassionate, relational, and personalized care, rooted in the belief that healing is not one-size-fits-all.
H
onoring client autonomy, collaboration, and anti-oppressive, neurodivergent-affirming practices, we walk alongside you as the expert in your own life.
We provide therapy for Eating Disorders, OCD, Body Image, Trauma, Maternal Mental Health, and offer Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP), Group Therapy (globally), Recovery Coaching (globally), and Clinical Consultation and Supervision for clinicians.
We are currently accepting new clients for in-person therapy in San Diego and virtual services in California, Florida, Maryland, Tennessee, Utah or Washington
