6 Invisible Signs of Restriction Keeping You Stuck in Eating Disorder Recovery
Written by: Allyson Inez Ford, MA, LPCC | Founder of ED & OCD Therapy
Restriction is a common eating disorder behavior. Nearly all types of eating disorders involve some form or amount of restriction. In anorexia, atypical anorexia and ARFID, restriction is the primary behavior - while both bulimia and binge eating are often fueled by restriction (among other things).
It doesn’t help that restricting food is actively celebrated in our society. The way restriction is praised is quite strange when you really think about it. How did, we, as a human species, evolve to believe that something we need in order to keep living is something we should restrict?!
But that’s a separate blog post, so I digress for now- the purpose of this blog post is to be able to identify subtle forms of restriction that might be keeping you stuck in your eating disorder. A skilled provider will be able to assess for these more subtle forms of restriction and will be willing to work with you on very gradually challenging whatever food rules you have; but it also starts with being honest with yourself. So if you’re taking the time to read this and reflect on your own behaviors and the intentions behind them, major kudos to you. You clearly care about your recovery- it’s not easy to stop a behavior that society rewards.
On the flip side, its hard to be free from your eating disorder while still engaging in restriction. So let’s look at where you might need some more support, as everyone deserves freedom from this life-threatening mental health condition.
Restriction isn’t always obvious
When people picture restriction, they usually picture something they can see. Very obvious skipped meals, someone refusing food or someone openly discussing their food rules. “Looking” malnourished (although you can be malnourished at any size) is another way people often think they can “tell” if someone is restricting.
But restriction is often much more subtle, and much harder to spot, both for the person experiencing it and for the people around them. As an eating disorder therapist, I see restriction show up in small, everyday behaviors that get written off as pickiness, a busy schedule, or "just how someone eats." Personally, when I had my own eating disorder, I wanted people to think I was just picky or quirky with food- it was too threatening to risk my eating disorder being “taken away.” But this only kept me stuck, and I think deep down, unconsciously, I probably wanted someone to care enough to notice these subtle forms of self sabotage.
Here are 6 subtle forms of restriction that OFten go unnoticed:
1. Delaying eating
This can look like pushing breakfast back until 11am, telling yourself you'll eat after you finish one more task, or waiting until you're overly hungry before allowing yourself food. Delaying eating is often framed as a scheduling issue or a lack of appetite, but it's frequently a way of limiting intake without having to consciously decide to restrict. Pushing off eating until it becomes an urgent need (i.e. your blood sugar going low, getting faint, dizzy, etc) can also be apart of ADHD and other neurodivergence. However, what I am talking about here is the intentional plan to push of breakfast or any meal for as long as possible. Personally, I did this because once I started eating, I found it harder to restrict again, and ‘giving in’ made me feel out of control. In recovery, I had to gradually challenge myself to eat slightly earlier- starting in 15 minute increments. Over time, I got much more comfortable with eating earlier and didn’t feel so out of control around food. But it took years. If you’re noticing that you delay eating, start with asking yourself what you’re afraid would happen if you ate slightly earlier- and look beyond the weight gain.
You might explore:
What feelings come up when you think about eating earlier?
Where did these feelings originate/ when did they start?
What else was going on in your life around that time?
Would you reccomend this behavior to someone you love? Why or why not- and what does that say about YOU engaging in this behavior?
2. Needing the meal to feel "just right"
Some clients describe needing their food a specific temperature, needing it arranged a certain way on the plate, needing a specific bowl or plate, needing the taste to be immaculate. For me, I had thing thing where I needed my food to be piping hot or freezing cold, and the taste had to be nothing short of incredible, otherwise I convinced myself it was not ‘worth it.’ As you can guess, this limited my options because I was waiting for perfection. It did not allow for spontaneity, nor did it help me focus on connecting with others while eating. It just kept me preoccupied and constantly disappointed in food. It also made me feel insecure- why did I care SO much about my meal being perfect when others seemed content with lukewarm food. Why do I keep going back to heat it up the moment it cools slightly? Looking back, it was a total trap from my anorexia, another barrier to eating. This specific form of restriction can also have a lot of overlap with ‘just right OCD’ - where eating doesn't happen until the meal meets an internal standard that has nothing to do with hunger or fullness. If you suspect you may have co-occurring OCD, I highly suggest getting assessed as this can pose significant barriers to eating disorder recovery!
3. Never fully finishing the plate
Some people with eating disorders notice themselves always leaving a few bites on their plate, every single time, even when their body is still asking for food. It becomes a compulsion and can have several different functions. For some it may make them feel superior to leave food on their plate while everyone else gets seconds- for others, they may fear judgement for finishing their plate. There can be many other reasons for this one, and it’s easy to miss because it can look like ‘normal’ eating from the outside. The pattern is in the consistency: the plate is never actually empty, no matter how hungry the person was going in. The person may push food around, try to disguise it or just say they are full. If you realize you do this one- explore why finishing the plate feels so aversive and discuss it with your therapist and/or dietitan.
4. Eating slower than everyone else at the table
Being the last person to finish isn't automatically a sign of restriction, but when it's paired with small bites, long pauses, visible anxiety or rearranging food more than eating it, slow eating can be a way of appearing to participate in a meal while consuming far less than everyone else at the table. Many people with eating disorders have also internalized that eating fast = greed or gluttony. The connection between disordered eating and religious beliefs (i.e. the idea that gluttony is a sin) is well documented and apart of many people’s beliefs around food.
Personally, during anorexia, I ate slow because I knew I wasn’t going to let myself eat again for a while, so it became this way of savoring every bite. I didn’t consciously tell myself that, but looking back I can see how I was constantly in a state of self imposed food scarcity- causing me to put a lot more value on every bite than there needed to be. In hindsight, I think it the self restraint also made me feel “above” others, almost as if I was “above eating.” It sounds strange to say outloud (because again, why do we live in a world where not needing something as basic as eating means you are ‘cool’ or better than others), but I will say it anyways in case someone out there feels less alone hearing that.
Of course, ‘eating slow’ is a common dieting tip- ‘be super mindful of every single bite so that your brain has time to tell you it’s full before you finish your food (eye roll)’. Many people have experienced shame for eating fast in the past, so they may have an added layer of fear around how they are perceived while eating. Whatever is at the root of this one for you, gently challenging the rule around pace of eating can help you feel more free of your eating disorder.
5. Cutting food into smaller and smaller pieces
This often gets read as ‘manners’ or extra care in preparing food. In restrictive eating disorders, it may have a different purpose: making a smaller portion look and feel like more to others, or making the meal last longer without actually eating more of it. This one is similar to eating slow, as it’s about reducing the volume of intake by being overly attuned to each bite. The sad thing is that when we are so in our head with these food rules, it’s hard to be present for family, friends and other loved ones that we may be sharing a meal with. Counting the bites, cutting things a certain way, doing things to make the food more ‘perfect’— all of this is disconnecting form the relational aspect of eating with another person. It has to make you wonder about the underlying attachment needs of the person suffering- that they may be trying to express with food.
When I think back to my eating disorder, I can see how these behaviors also represented how distant I felt from my family and my desire to push them away further out of anger. I didn’t know how to express that, I didn’t even know I felt this way at the time, but doing these thing with food definitely protected me from the vulnerability of connection.
6. Only eating around certain people, or only eating alone
For someone with an eating disorder, food can feel safer without anyone watching, or safer with one specific person who won't comment on what or how much is being eaten (the reverse can also be true). If you find yourself unable to eat around others or certain people; try to explore what feels less safe in terms of eating around said people:
What are you trying to avoid by eating around others?
What emotions come up when you picture having to eat with another person?
When did you start avoiding sharing meals with others- what else was going on in your life and relationships at that time?
Is being able to eat around others with more ease important to you?
Caveat: like most of these examples, this one can also be related to neurodivergence that has nothing to do with the intention to lose weight or cling to an eating disorder. Some neurodivergent folks needs less external stimuli when eating, and eating alone can be one of the only ways to ensure that. Explore the function of this deeper with your therapist if you suspect there may be reasons you avoid eating with others. You don’t have to eat with others in order to recover; but it may be preventing you from living your life the way you would like to.
Why these Subtle signs of restrictive eating matter
None of these behaviors are super alarming on their own. But restriction doesn't need to be extreme to be serious, and it doesn't need to affect someone's weight to be worth taking seriously. The earlier these patterns are named, the more room there is for a different relationship with food before things become more entrenched.
Again, there can be other reasons a person engages in these behaviors, it isn’t automatically an eating disorder. However if you have a fear of weight gain or fear of losing control around food, it’s worth exploring if you’re struggling with food and your body image.
Eating Disorder Help in San Diego Is Available
At ED & OCD Therapy San Diego, we offer free 15-minute consultation calls to prospective clients. We work with teens and adults struggling with eating disorders, body image concerns, trauma and OCD across California, Florida, Maryland, Tennessee, Utah, and Washington.
We also have in-person eating disorder therapy available in San Diego! Reach out to learn more and to start your recovery journey.
