How the Culture of Intensive Motherhood Makes Post Partum OCD Flourish
Written by: Allyson Inez Ford, MA, LPCC
When Constant Worry Robs Motherhood
I’m smiling in this picture and it was indeed a sweet memory of taking my little one on his first hike in the woods. But there is a lot this picture doesn’t show: the heated argument my partner and I just got into over the timing of our babies next feed, the marathon it took to get out of the house and go on a day trip while running on little sleep, the constant worry I might stumble on a rock and fall over while carrying my baby- face first. Something I learned early on in this motherhood journey is the worry is relentless and so much of it is amplified by the cultural expectations of mothers. As someone who has struggled with OCD nearly my whole life, I became curious about how intensive motherhood ideology fuels perinatal OCD.
How the “perfect mother” Myth intensifies OCD’s core themes
Predisposition to OCD
OCD tends to latch onto certain belief and thought patterns especially ones about responsibility, need for certainty and moral perfectionism. These underlying schemas lead mothers with OCD feeling constantly anxious, guilty and preoccupied with every worst case scenario.
A prospective study by Abramowitz and colleagues found that stronger prenatal obsessive beliefs during pregnancy predicted more severe postpartum obsessive-compulsive symptoms, and a higher likelihood of later postpartum OCD diagnosis, even after accounting for baseline symptoms and distress.
In everyday language: if your mind is already primed to believe things like “I must prevent harm at all costs” or “Having a thought means something is wrong,” postpartum can pour gasoline on that.
The perfect mother Myth
Now add Dr. Sophie Brock’s lens: the perfect mother myth frames motherhood as a moral performance rooted in patriarchal and sexist expectations of women and femmes. Brock explicitly describes “intensive mothering ideology” and the “perfect mother myth” as dominant cultural models that constrain mothers and shape their identity development and self worth as a parent. Brock argues that the pursuit of perfectionism in motherhood is not only impossible, but also incredible unnecessary, our kid need to see us being imperfect. However, everywhere on social media, we are reminded how much calmer, how much more put together, how much more patient all other mothers seem to be, besides us. We see highlight reels of perfect feeding journeys, orgasmic and pain free birthing experiences and fancy developmental toy box subscriptions. We see unchanged bodies, happy marriages that only seemed to grow closer with kids. HA! Then reality hits and you realize this is all a lie sold to us. Sure there are many, many beautiful moments but there are just as many hard ones. Even when we logically know these idealisms about motherhood are not real life, it’s hard not to compare and worry if you are damaging your kid by not having all of these things and experiences.
When motherhood becomes a moral test, OCD finds endless material:
“If I can’t be 100% sure of the ingredients in this, I’m irresponsible.”
“If I had a momentary thought of resenting my baby, I must be an absolute monster.”
“If I feel angry, I might snap and harm my child.”
“If I need help, I’m failing and obviously not cut our for motherhood.”
OCD starts with these kinds of intrusive thoughts, but the key to determining if it is truly OCD is whether or not there are compulsions present.
The “harm thought” trap: when love gets mistaken for risk
In perinatal OCD, many compulsions are driven by a deep, aching love- by the deep desire to keep your baby safe. This part of our brain thinks if we stay alert to every possible threat and act as if it were reality- we can prevent any possible harm. The tragedy is that compulsions briefly reduce anxiety, but long-term they teach the brain: “This thought was dangerous. You only survived because you did the ritual.” And, unfortunately, this doesn’t actually keep us safe or prevent anything, it just gives us an illusion of control (in a time that likely feels very out of control).
The perfect mother myth makes this worse because it tells parents: “A good mother never has to learn; she should just know.” So instead of seeking support, many people hide, overcompensate and spiral in shame. Still to this day, my last thoughts before I go to bed are often about all the things I wish I had done different as a parent that day, and a promise to myself I’ll be better tomorrow. The reality is I am often comparing myself to some perfectionistic ideal that isn’t reality- and so I just set myself up for feeling like a failure again the next day. It’s exhausting to say the least!
“Maternal ambivalence” is normal. but perfection culture frames it as proof you’re unsafe
Another place Brock’s work is incredibly helpful is her writing on maternal ambivalence- the reality that you can love your child and still feel grief, anger, boredom, resentment, longing or overwhelm. Brock directly links ambivalence to the perfect mother myth and describes how pedestalized versions of motherhood can rob mothers of the space to embrace the full emotional range of mothering.
OCD often weaponizes normal ambivalence:
“If I’m overwhelmed, I could snap.”
“If I feel disconnected, I might not love my baby.”
“If I want to be alone, something is wrong with me.”
“If I’m eager to get back to work- I must not really want this.”
These thoughts are so familiar to me, so if you see yourself in these, please know you aren’t alone. Having these thoughts does not make them true. As humans, we all need more than parenthood can provide to feel fulfilled in life. We also all need rest, down time, low demand days and time to pursue our passions. We never think of fathers who enjoy and excel at work as failures- why do we see women differently?
How common is perinatal OCD?
Estimates vary by methodology and sample, but systematic work continues to show that OCD symptoms and diagnoses occur during pregnancy and postpartum globally. A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis examined the global prevalence of OCD during pregnancy and postpartum, reinforcing that this is not rare.
What helps: shifting from “perfect mother” to “Good enogh Mothering”
Healing isn’t about becoming “more perfect” so the thoughts go away. Healing is about changing your relationship with these thoughts, realigning with your values, developing self compassion, tolerating discomfort and reducing compulsions—while simultaneously dismantling the cultural story that says your worth as a mother depends on impossible standards.
Sophie Brock talks about the term ‘good enough mothering’ as something we should all strive for instead of intensive, perfect mothering. She argues that this is actually better for our children and ourselves. If we model imperfection, our children are less likely to feel shame at their own mistakes. Further, attachment research consistently shows that for a child to develop secure attachment, parents need to respond to their child’s needs on average of 30% of the time. 30%!! Not 100%, not even 80%. Let that fact reduce the pressure you are putting on yourself. I hold that one with me daily!
Supportive, evidence-based care often includes:
OCD-specific therapy (ERP-based approaches tailored to postpartum experiences as well as I-CBT)
Psychoeducation about intrusive thoughts, learning to notice them with mindfulness and compassion vs. judgement and rumination.
Reducing compulsions, as they fuel the OCD cycle and keep us stuck.
Values-based and good enough parenting (what matters to you, not what intensive motherhood ideology demands)
Perinatal OCD Support
Perinatal OCD doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. In fact, the intensity of your distress often reflects how deeply you care- OCD attacks what we value most (rude, I know). The problem is (OCD) colliding with a patriarchal cultural ideology (the perfect mother myth) that ties a woman’s worth to being the perfect mother. Learning how to trust yourself in motherhood and heal from postpartum OCD can give you back your life and help you savor the moments that matter most- those precious snuggles with your newborn or playing hide and seek with your toddler.
If this resonates with you and you’re looking for a therapist- we can help! Reach out to schedule a free 15 minute phone call to learn more about our approach and services.
References
Abramowitz, J. S. (2003). Obsessive-compulsive symptoms in pregnancy and the puerperium: A review of the literature.
Abramowitz, J. S., et al. (2025). Prenatal obsessive beliefs predict postpartum obsessive-compulsive symptoms: A prospective study.
Fairbrother, N., et al. (2018). Correlates and predictors of new mothers’ responses to postpartum thoughts of accidental and intentional harm and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.
International OCD Foundation (IOCDF). Perinatal OCD overview / fact sheet.
Salari, N., et al. (2024). Global prevalence of obsessive-compulsive disorder in pregnancy and postpartum: A systematic review and meta-analysis.
Brock, S. (n.d./2022–2025). Work on the perfect mother myth, intensive mothering ideology, and maternal ambivalence (selected pages/episodes).
